The Early Signs of Dementia That Hide at Family Dinners

You see Mom every week on FaceTime. She sounds fine. She laughs at the right parts.

Then you come home for Thanksgiving and spend four days in her kitchen. Things look different up close.

Holiday visits are often when families first notice changes. A phone call is ten minutes. A family dinner is six hours of cooking, conversation, and routine. A lot can hide in ten minutes. Less can hide in six hours.

Here is what to watch for, and what to do if you see it.

Signs in the kitchen

The recipe goes sideways

Mom has made the same dressing for forty years. This year she stands at the counter holding the celery like she is waiting for instructions. Or she adds the salt twice.

Trouble following familiar steps, especially ones done for decades, is one of the early signs doctors look for.

Burned food or a forgotten stove

One burned pan of rolls means nothing. Everybody gets distracted with a full house. A burner left on after everyone has eaten, or a pattern of scorched pots under the sink, is worth noting.

The fridge tells a story

Open the refrigerator. Look for expired food, duplicates of the same item, or things in odd places. Three jars of mayonnaise. The car keys in the butter dish.

Signs at the table

Conversation gets harder to follow

Big tables are loud. Several people talk at once. Someone with early memory changes may go quiet, nod along, or answer a question nobody asked.

Watch for a parent who used to hold court and now sits back.

Repeating the same story

Most parents repeat stories. That is not news. What to watch for is repetition within the same hour, with no sign they told it a few minutes ago.

Losing words

Calling the fork "the thing you eat with." Stopping mid-sentence and changing the subject. Everyone loses a word now and then. A steady increase is different.

Missing the names of newer people

Forgetting the name of a granddaughter's boyfriend she met once is normal. Forgetting a grandchild she has known for years is not.

Signs around the house

Mail and bills piling up

Look at the counter or desk. Unopened mail, late notices, or several checks written to the same charity can point to trouble managing money. Money handling often slips early.

Changes in the house itself

Is the yard kept up the way it used to be? Laundry piling up? A home that always looked a certain way and no longer does can be a sign that daily tasks have become hard.

Missed medications

Check the pill organizer if there is one. Full compartments from earlier in the week say something.

Signs in mood and personality

Memory is not the only thing that changes. Watch for:

• Irritability or suspicion that is new
• Pulling back from activities they used to love
• Anxiety in crowded or unfamiliar settings
• Confusion that gets worse as evening comes on

A parent who gets short-tempered or "shuts down" by late afternoon at a busy holiday gathering may be tiring from the effort of keeping up.

What is normal aging and what is not

Normal aging looks like forgetting a name and remembering it later. Misplacing glasses now and then. Taking longer to learn a new phone.

Signs that need a closer look tend to disrupt daily life. Getting lost on a familiar drive. Not being able to follow a recipe they know by heart. Not recognizing that something is wrong.

You are not diagnosing anything. You are noticing.

What to do after dinner

Do not confront at the table

Pointing it out in front of the family rarely goes well. It embarrasses your parent and puts everyone on the defensive.

Compare notes with siblings

Talk to your brother or sister after the visit. Did they see the same things? Each of you may have noticed one piece.

Write it down

Keep a short list with dates. "Thanksgiving: couldn't follow dressing recipe. Asked twice where the bathroom was." Specifics help doctors.

Suggest a checkup

Frame it as routine. Many health issues can cause memory symptoms, including medication side effects, thyroid problems, vitamin deficiencies, infections, and depression. Some are treatable. That is a good reason to get checked sooner, not later.

Ask about a cognitive screening at the next visit, or a referral to a specialist.

Learn about the road ahead

If a diagnosis comes, you will have decisions to make. You do not need to make them all at once. It helps to know what support exists before you need it, from caregiver groups to memory care.

Our post on what to look for in memory care near Loganville covers questions families ask. You can also read about memory care at The Joy.

One more thing

If you saw something this holiday and it shook you, that is normal. Pay attention. Then go eat some pie. The rest can wait until Monday.

If you have questions, call us at (470) 684-3569.

Sources: Alzheimer's Association, early signs and symptoms of Alzheimer's and dementia (alz.org); National Institute on Aging, memory problems and normal aging (nia.nih.gov).